Wasn't going to add any text to today's post...but Wes is with the neighborhood's young men and so I'm alone for tonight's watermelon party (have always loved that sweet summer melon, but this year, baby boy and I are obsessed!). I just finished reading this and this and was thinking about the cell phone craze in general.
The definition of cell phone is convenience, right? We all wonder what we did before we had one. And for our kids they are an obvious norm (just read your comment, Stef - perfect example!).
So...why am I resistant to the thought of granting Lucy her own phone at age 16...14...12? (Or will the cell phone trend start younger than that in a few years?)
I mean, honestly, what is realistic?
If you asked me what I really thought was appropriate, I'd say that a cell phone makes a great high school graduation present. Mom and Dad's phone could certainly be loaned out for dates, road trips, shopping trips...whatever.
But is that plan at all realistic? "Relative deprivation" is pretty real deprivation, as I understand it. A cell phone is certainly not a basic life necessity...but has it become a true social necessity in today's world...or will it eventually be in our children's world?
Wes and I discussed this topic the other day. Dr. Scoresby's words are a good summation of our general feelings, that as a society, "We have not successfully adapted to the inroads technology has made in our families."
I'm not at all opposed to technology, but I agree that, "It makes a good deal of sense to have more family rules in a threatening environment than we do when we live where there is less threat to our children."
I think it goes unsaid that technology, cell phone technology included, poses definite threats.
What do you think?
17 comments:
Lucy is so imaginative! Haley only talks on her play phone to people we talk to on the real phone... and actually, she won't play with her toy phones anymore... she wants to talk on the real one... she's learned Daddy's and Grandma's speed dials on my cell phone!
Hehehehe...from 3 year olds to high school students. Oh man, oh man.
Another cell phone moment came from the 3 HS graduations we went to this year. At each one as soon as the recessional was over nearly EVERY graduate whipped out their phone from somewhere under their graduation robes and said, "Where are you Mom?"
Honestly, how did I ever find my family after I graduated from HS?? I'm sure I did somehow, but can not imagine how I possibly could have... :)
In my future parenting plans I see no cell phone in our children's lives. Unless they earn it and pay for it themseles! Then it will still be closely monitered by the parentals. (I say that now...but we will see...)
After teaching eighth grade and confiscating several different cell phones, I would have to say that I don't think that our children will have cell phones until they are at least 16. Once they start dating and driving, I can see the benefits of one--but even then I doubt that it will ever be the internet, texting picture sending phones that my students had--it will be a phone, that happens to be mobile, so that they can call in case of an emergency.
Nate and I went without cell phones until we moved up here to Tremonton. Being long distance away, it was less hassle than calling cards for the summer. I think people can still get by just fine, even if they do end up being social pariahs. :)
Lori, I am so with you. Tyler and I talk about this constantly.
I once saw a young woman in our ward texting during Sacrament... not Sacrament meeting... the PASSING of the Sacrament. She was being very sneaky and her mother didn't see, but I did.
I serve in the Young Womens. We have a basket for cell phones every Wednesday and Sunday. WHY ARE THEY BRINGING THEM TO CHURCH??? I don't bring mine, and I'm an adult! And they all text constantly until the basket is brought out. It's crazy. And many of the Beehives have them. I've also heard one of my Mia Miads say she was texting someone she didn't know, that he had texted her accidently and now they text all the time. I wouldn't let my kids do that on the internet, so there is no point to do it on a phone.
Our solution... my kids and I will all share one phone as long as it is plausable. That is the plan until life tells me its unrealistic, which I hope is sometime around high school graduation. And I'm with Nicole, no texting, pitures, internet, etc.
This all goes back to a bigger issue for me, that I would be delighted to hear your thoughts on in a future post. How do we raise kids who don't feel entitled??? Entitled to cell phones, cars at 16, entitled to be snotty because its the norm, even entitled to happiness, because we all know that happiness is something we have to find ourselves. I can already see it happening to my kids and I can't for the life of me figure out where I've gone wrong. Its not like I spoil them...
Sorry to be so long winded.
One more thing...
I hate cell phones' popular uses because they demonstrate to me a TOTAL lack of manners. Which irks me to no end.
Honestly, I hate cell phones. After carrying one around 24/7 (and I mean 24/7... like on my nightstand, into bathroom stalls, etc.) while Quentin was in Iraq, I learned to loath them. Seriously, they're an excuse for poor planning and poor communication for the most part. We rarely use them, but they are nice for emergencies (or for one of us to find the other after pottying Haley in Walmart). They're a crutch and I don't plan on getting my kids a cell phone... borrow mine, sure, but if you want your own, it's gotta' wait until college!
I am right there with everyone. My kids will not have one until they are graduated from high school and going off to college somewhere. I didn't get my first one until I was in college and then it was used for the drive back and forth. I had no need for it other times. We then had cell phones, and that was the only phones we had, still didn't completely abuse the idea of calling anyone at anytime during anything. We moved up here and got rid of them. I loved that life. I could go somewhere and not be bothered by life. If people really need to get a hold of me they could leave a message at my home phone and I would call them back. We then purchased a cell phone just about 2 months ago. Not sure exactly why except when Jared travels it is nice to have so he can find the other people he is traveling with so they can come and get him at the airport etc... Other than that use, Jared traveling, and his parents call us on it, we don't call them, we never use it. I did use it at Lowe's on Monday. Had to find out if I was buying the correct chair rail for the kids rooms. Granted I could have used the phone there.
So after all of that. I dislike cell phones. Wish they didn't have to exist in our world. It is possible to not have one and it is a wonderful change to live without one.
Oh and I really like the idea of a post on how we raise kids who don't feel entitled to everything!!!
I agree about the crazy cell-phone trend in teenagers, etc., but I must admit to sometimes being an obnoxious cell-phone user. I swore I never would be. But for the majority of my graduate degree I was literally spending all my time teaching, practicing, or in the library. The only free time I had to talk to people was on the walk home, when I was driving places, or at the store. I try to be better about it now, but it's an easy habit to fall into to.
Just the other day I was on the phone with my friend (who is an amazing cook) at the store. I had a couple of ingredient questions, and in the mean-time we chatted about what we had both been doing the last month. After about a half hour catch-up, I realized I was the only one on my cell phone. People must be more polite in Texas than in Utah.
Interesting thoughts. I know my niece and nephew share a phone (14 and 12) and it is really only for the convenience of calling home to check in or get rides. Definitely not essential, but may encourage them to communicate with parents more.
When my niece sent 4,000 texts one month, she had to earn the money to pay the bill. She has definitely not done that again. Can also be a good way to teach responsibility.
But, I find them annoying most of the time. :)
So here are my thoughts...
I am constantly saying "what did we ever do without cell phones?" They are such a nice convenience. But I don't think Rich and I would ever give a kid a cell phone. I'm with Carrie, my kids and I will share a phone for as long as possible. Hopefully until around high school graduation or so.
My one pet peeve is that people don't know proper cell phone etiquitte (sp?). I've been to plays, movies, church where people's phones go off. The worst was just recently when we were in the middle of taking the Sacrament and cell phone went off. Instead of just turning it off this woman ANSWERED it! I couldn't believe it!
Also, I would love to see someone do a post on kids not feeling entitled. I think it's worse nowadays than ever before. There is a YW in our ward who is adopted. She was born in Nepal and was brought to the states when she was 9 or 10 (she's 14 now). When she first moved here her parents said she didn't even want to go to McDonald's because that was just too much... too elaborate, etc. Now, four years later, she's constantly begging her parents for a cell phone, mp3 player, etc. Her parents haven't done anything different... but "all" her friends at school have these things and she feels she should have them too.
Sorry to be so long winded. I really enjoyed this post... and LOVEd seeing Lucy talk on her phone!
What a good post Lori. Charles and I also talk about this alot and wonder what we'll do. Though our plans may change in the future it is good to have a tentative plan RIGHT NOW even before our children learn to talk.
I'm afraid we are a bit too attached to our cell phones. This has taken quite a bit of humbling since we swore we would never even own them. but it means that I can talk to my mother for hours for free and ry can make a living, so I guess that's worth it. but we absolutely will not feel good about giving our children phones! and we are soo anti texting. and my father bless his heart still doesn't own one and probably never will. and I am soo with everyone on the entitlement thing! how on earth do you handle that!
When I was a young women leader my beehives couldn't believe that I didn't have a cell phone until I was 23. I don't think I'll ever let my kids have one. I think it's good for kids to do without things. I did without a lot of things growing up and never felt deprived.
Technology is amazing and I can only imagine what will be available when Lucy is in high school.
My basic paranoid personality is grateful for cell phones, I remember before cell phones and worrying about my children, now I just call, they are available where ever they are. To me that is a blessing!
I went through the pity, endure, embrace phases really quickly!
Once the heavens were opened with the restoration all kinds of things have arrived to make our lives better and more convenient and easier. It is choosing to use them that way that is the challenge and that is the eternal choice with life.
My experience with watching children pass through our school and church is that good, happy responsible parents produce good, happy, responsible children. You are all doing that! Because you are concerned and thoughtful and responsible, you are teaching your children to be that too.
Grandma lu
Thanks Grandma Lu! Your comment made me feel more confident about how to tackle this, and many other hurdles!
Hi Lori!! It's fun to see your blog! I am so happy to hear Wes is doing well and good heaven's, your little Lucy is GORGEOUS!!! Wow!
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