We Three

Sometime in early June (and, of course, without the definite knowledge of what one month's time would bring), Wes and I spent an evening planning summer celebrations for the kids.  Time on the porch together was a treat when Wes was wheelchair bound and I love that memory of sitting together making plans for our little people.  Lucy had expressed an interest in auto mechanics, so "car week," among other things,  took shape in my notebook:  a few activities, mostly a list of books and movies. 

I hastily placed an Amazon order and that was that. The items arrived sporadically and we enjoyed them un-methodically. Spencer and I spent a sweet afternoon at Wes's bedside searching for Goldbug, but as Wes became increasingly ill, most of the other items went unused. The evening after their Daddy died, however, Lucy and Spencer needed a distraction, so I pulled out an unopened DVD, put it on, and went upstairs to make popcorn (knowing all along that Wes, ever a movie lover, would approve).

Turns out Chitty Chitty Bang Bang is a L O N G, W E I R D movie. Did you know?! The kids were up until a ridiculous hour and it was still not over. But I'm relating this memory because of one tender mercy. One moment that forever redeemed the evening (and the movie) for me. When I came in with the popcorn, I didn't intend to stay.  My soul was positively awash in the emotion and grief of the day.  And there was so much to do.  But Dick Van Dyke, singing to his small son and sweet daughter, briefly caught my attention,

What makes the battle worth the fighting?

What makes the mountain worth the climb?

What makes the questions worth the asking?

The reason worth the rhyme?

To me the answer's clear;

it's having someone near; someone dear

Someone to care for; to be there for.

I have You Two!

Someone to do for; muddle through for.

I have You Two!

Someone to share joy or despair with;

whichever betides you.

Life becomes a chore, unless you're living for

someone to tend to be a friend to.

I have You Two!

Someone to strive for, do or die for

I have You Two!

Could be, we three get along so famously,
'cause you two have me, and I have You Two too.

It is, in fact, a darling song.  But that particular night it was much, much more than darling.  It was a reminder, amid great loss, of what I have. 

The months prior to and following Wes's passing, "we three" shared a bed at Grandma and Grandpa Truman's house.  Those were sleepless nights for various reasons...

My place was usually in the middle somewhere, and the falling asleep process generally included one little hand in each of mine.

On our last night in that big bed, I lay very quietly, holding Lucy and Spencer's hands with tears running down my cheeks long after they were asleep.  I knew I'd miss those cozy sleeping quarters and that unique,  difficult, wonderful time in our lives.  As I laid there, savoring the feeling of their hands in mine, the words of D&C 84:88 came forcibly to my mind, "I will be on your right hand and on your left, and my Spirit shall be in your heart, and mine angels round about you, to bear you up." 

I thought about the tangible little miracles there on my right hand and on my left.  I thought about how much strength they provide to me, how much perspective, how much joy.  I thought about the angels ministering to all three of us. 

And I knew that somehow we would manage to muddle through.

Together.