A Little (Long) Recap

5:00 am on August 17th found me and Gizmo (we name things at our house) churning up a quiet hum in the pre-dawn light of our sleeping house. 

A typical scene.

The looming day, however, wasn't typical.  RA Training week (a hectic highlight of my Hall Advisor job)  was in full speed.  I would be in SL all day.  I was scheduled to teach a 50 minute presentation at the exact moment Wes was scheduled to meet with Huntsman's neurology staff about his recent brain scans.  And then training would keep me away until nearly 6pm - which meant I'd be late for our second of four mandatory pre-construction meetings at the RHD office (did I tell you we're building a house?  It's been a while, hasn't it?) - if I'd get there at all.

Thankfully, Wes's parents came to accompany him to the doctor's appointment.  Thankfully, my parents offered to babysit our children during the appointment.  Thankfully, I'd been working with a team of fabulous HAs to polish my presentation and I didn't feel stressed about teaching.  Thankfully Wes could be at the entire house meeting which would qualify our continued participation in the program.  But the anticipation of it all - especially the doctor's appointment - was heavy.  Knowing that I couldn't be there with Wes was hard.  My heart churned in time with Gizmo's motor. 

But my hands were free (which is why we love our mini elliptical), so I grabbed my scriptures from the windowsill and opened up to Romans.  In chapter 4, Paul reminded me of Abraham and Sarah.  Faithful Abraham and Sarah,  "who against hope believed in hope."  Faithful Abraham and Sarah who "were old and well stricken in age,"  and could not have reasonably expected to beget a child, but who, "staggered not at the promise of God," and were "fully persuaded that, what [God] had promised, he was able also to perform." 

The Spirit drove Paul's message of faith and hope deep into my heart.  I resonated with Abraham's confidence in God's matchless power - in His ability to do anything.  I read several other very meaningful verses (maybe we'll talk about those later) before finishing with the assurance that "all things work together for good to them that love God." 

At the end of the day, I was so grateful for those early morning assurances. Word from the doctor's office was that the small localized tumors identified in Wes's past MRI's have begun to diffuse throughout the left side of his brain.  I suppose it wasn't a huge surprise.  Wes has displayed more symptoms of brain cancer in the last two or three months than at really any other time since his surgery in 2005.  The symptoms have been discouraging (maybe we'll talk about that later).  The news itself was discouraging.  Mostly, we were thrown into a quandary about what to do.  The biggest questions regarded treatment options (limited) and our house plans (Should we proceed?  Could we proceed?).

We spent several days sitting with those and a thousand other questions. Could?  Should?  Could?  Should? 
We wanted to be hopeful and positive, but we didn't want to be unwise or naive. We talked to our parents and to our bishop. We prayed. We fasted. Lots of people prayed and fasted with us (we will talk more about that later). Slowly, all the questions were replaced with confidence that we should go forward with our plans and dreams - that we should give God a chance to work the miracles we know He's capable of.

So we're building a house (we'll talk more about that later too!)! And we're cherishing words like these:
"Faith in the Lord Jesus Christ—that is the first principle of the gospel. We must go forward. God expects you to have enough faith, determination, and trust in Him to keep moving, keep living, keep rejoicing. He expects you not simply to face the future; He expects you to embrace and shape the future—to love it, rejoice in it, and delight in your opportunities." Jeffrey R. Holland

Wes will continue to frequent Huntsman for new chemo infusions. 
The kids and I will join him as often as we can.

(Because we love sharing pretzels on the grass.)

(And because we love counting the clown fish on the walls.)

 (That's a puzzle.  Rad.)

(And because sometimes we see old friends - like Lisa, who always gives me a hug and Lucy a handful of stickers. And because sometimes we make new friends - like Owen, who flies to Huntsman clear from Michigan to have his scans/treatments, and who let Spencer play with his keys while we waited for Wes.)

We are hopeful that the treatments are helpful - more than that, we are confidant that complete healing is possible. Complete healing might not be part of Heavenly Father's plan for us. But it might!

Either way, "We know that all things work together for good to them that love God." (And oh, we do!)