Smile.
Been thinking about parenting today - 'specially after reading Jane's super post and remembering my not-super mothering during last night's bedtime routine.
Sigh.
I wanted to jot down two thoughts which - in addition to the ideals of love and teaching in Jane's post - have been helpful to me lately.
I was talking with my mother-in-law a few weeks ago about how I often struggle to treat Lucy like a 4 year old. She is so precocious and so bright that I find myself expecting so much from her. Lucinda said that when she's feeling impatient with or demanding of a child, she likes to reach over and take their hand -as kind of a physical reminder of how small they are. I loved that.
I've also been remembering how my own mom used to dislike it when people referred to little ones as "kids." "Goats have kids," she used to say, "People have children." As a teenager I used to kind of smirk about that. Like, "It's not that big of a deal, Mom." But I feel differently now. Because here's a reality: in moments when I'm inclined to be inpatient with my offspring, if I take the time to mentally tell myself: "They're children," I feel and act differently. I think there's something special about the world children. Something even sacred. Something that brings the Spirit. And so, when my "kids" are acting their ages and driving me up the wall, I tell myself: "They're not kids. They're children."
And sometimes that helps.
And sometimes I forget about good parenting principles all together. And I end up taking a lot of deep breaths and doing a lot of apologizing. And there's really nothing that brings me so much regret at the end of the day as impatience and harshness with my children.
Because they are truly beloved.
8 comments:
I loved her post too. It's an ideal I hope I can come close to achieving, even if I fall short by a large margin.
I love the idea of holding your child's hand as a reminder of their sweet smallness. I hadn't thought of the "kid" idea like that before, but there is a difference. You say "my kids", then say "my children", and the latter one just sounds more respectful and is a great reminder of who they really are. Thanks for this post.
What wonderful reminders. I have the same problem with William... remembering that he is only 5--not 15.
And now I'm off to read that post of Jane's...
Great thoughts Lori. I have to constantly remind myself that with Sam because he's just SO BIG. I am constantly telling myself, "he's just 2." It does help.
I like the word "children" as well. You're right - it sounds so much better than "kids."
Yes, just an echo to previous comments but, when I consciously remember all my MFHD classes and tell myself, "She can't think through this developmentally yet, she's only 2," I snap out of my impatience (sometimes) and give her the benefit of the doubt. It IS possible that she forgot the council I just gave her 5 minutes before.
Great advice! I treat Matyas like he is much older most of the time too. For me, I sometimes have to stop and get down and play with him to remember how little he is. Unfortunately that is not always an option, but I am glad he forgives quickly when I am impatient with him.
I have been thinking so much of these things as well. I do the same exact thing with my precocious daughter. :) I absolutely love that idea of reaching out and holding your child's hand. What a great reminder. I have been really discouraged recently with my own impatience and I've been earnestly praying for heavenly help to change.
Thanks for this post. I needed it, especially in the way that only you could write it--realistically and yet so positively. My mother-in-law has the same philosophy on "kids" vs "children". It is a good reminder about the true worth of a child.
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